Read the following in your head…and then try NOT to hear it in the voice of John Reilly (the weekly “narrator” for Facebook Theater).

  • WHENEVER I HAVE THE HOUSE TO MYSELF, I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE SITUATION. SO FOR THE NEXT SEVERAL HOURS, I WILL BE EATING JUNK FOOD AND PERFORMING HAIRBRUSH KARAOKE FOR A PARTY OF ONE.
  • MY LIFE IS TOTALLY WHERE I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE AT 34 – AT MY PARENTS HOUSE. WATCHING “THE MINDY PROJECT.” AT 11 PM. ON A FRIDAY NIGHT. ALONE.
  • THERE ARE FEW PARENTING THINGS MORE ADORABLE THAN WATCHING SUBURBAN DADS TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHAT OUTFIT AND DANCE SHOES THEIR TODDLER IS SUPPOSED TO BE WEARING WHEN THEY CHECK INTO DANCE CLASS. AND THEN THE FOLLOW UP OF FIGURING OUT HOW TO ACTUALLY PUT THOSE SHOES ON.

It’s OK to admit that it sounds better when John does it.

And we’re actually kind of considering binge-watching episodes of The Mindy Project now.