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WDHA Morning Jolt

WDHA Morning Jolt

WDHA Morning Jolt

Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales Reboots Goldilocks v2.0 With Some Ridiculous Results

Author Jim Monaghan

If Marvel Studios can reboot Spider-Man a bunch of times, then why not have the one and (thankfully) only Executive Producer Michael Fuzzy Lee reboot Goldilocks?

If you recall, Goldilocks was the very first episode of Fuzzy’s Fractured Tales, starting with the now-famous line “Who names their child ‘Goldilocks?’ You’re setting her up for failure with a name like that.”

Anyway, with that little bit of background, Goldilocks v2.0 includes the following –

  • Porridge (of course)
  • a preference for White Castle sliders
  • a clogged toilet
  • two hours of “going potty”
  • a vibrating bed
  • a shoutout to the “My Pillow Guy”
  • a floozie at the Quickie Motel located down the road

So with all that in hand, we present today’s episode of Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales.

9 Music Videos with Strange Plots That Make No Sense

Music videos are a very unique art form, but let’s face it: Not all music videos were created equal. In fact, some of them just leave us asking, “What did I just watch?!”

Here are just nine music videos with strange plots that make no sense. Enjoy or feel free to scratch your head along with us.

  • Lindsey Buckingham - 'Holiday Road'

    We’re really coming out the gate with a weird one. So, Buckingham appears to be trapped inside of a dystopian office building/prison. The water cooler appears to be filled with a Windex-colored solution, and a construction worker is laying a brick wall in front of the office building/prison window. At the end, it appears Buckingham’s rocker spirit escapes the building and walks off into the distance. For real, we have no idea what to even make of this one. Thank goodness this banger of a track was used in Vacation, or else we may have ended up forgetting all about it altogether.

  • Journey - 'Separate Ways'

    A mysterious woman is walking around a shipping dock. Add in awkward air instrumentation, some super-earnest singing while staring directly into the camera and an “it was all a dream” ending, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for ’80s gold!

  • Pat Benatar - 'Love Is A Battlefield'

    Great song, terrible video. Pat Benatar’s character runs away from home to the big city to become a type of hooker that only slow dances with dudes. There’s then a shimmy confrontation with her pimp, which she wins, and Pat and all her friends live to dance another day.

  • U2 - 'Numb'

    The pitch:  Let’s do terribly annoying things to The Edge, and he doesn’t react at all, because he’s numb. Get it? Side note: The part with the feet is just gross…unless you’re into that sort of thing. (No judgment if you are. You do you!)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2lbiS1fris/

  • Bon Jovi - 'Always'

    Okay, this one is a bit weird, but here’s the simplest breakdown: An artsy couple is being artsy. Then the artsy guy hooks up with the artsy girl’s roommate. Artsy girl finds out and runs to the loft of another artsy guy. They hook up. Artsy girl then calls the first artsy guy and he shows up at the second artsy guy’s loft. There’s a fight about a sexy painting…AND THEN THERE’S A BOMB?!

    https://youtu.be/9BMwcO6_hyA/

  • Billy Squier - 'Rock Me Tonight'

    The plot? Billy Squier dances around his tastefully decorated home wanting to be rocked tonight. It’s also step one of a one-step plan on how to kill your rock and roll career.

  • Huey Lewis and the News - 'Hip to be Square'

    Not sure if there’s a plot to this one, to be honest, but if there is one, it’s, “Here’s what Huey Lewis’s tonsils look like!”

  • Nelson - 'After The Rain'

    A kid with a terrible home life gets whisked away into a Nelson poster. He then meets a Native American who gives him a feather and directs him toward a trail only to see his favorite band Nelson rocking out on a rocky hillside. But then he wakes up, and it was all a dream…OR WAS IT?!

  • Damn Yankees - 'High Enough'

    This is certainly difficult to forget this one: A couple on the run, a police standoff and then there’s Ted Nugent inexplicably chomping on gum the entire video AND his involvement in the video’s “twist ending.”

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Author Jim Monaghan
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