Fuzzy Fractures Cinderella and Leaves Us With An Exciting(?) Cliffhanger

Author Jim Monaghan

August 23rd, 2023 10:23 AM

ANNOUNCER – It’s time to listen to one of our favorite magical stories. Well, sort of. It’s Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales on the WDHA Morning Jolt.

FUZZY – And a happy Tuesday. boys and girls. Let’s jump right into today’s episode. It’s Cinderella Fractured Version 2.0. There was once a young servant girl named Cinderella who lived with her evil stepmother and spiteful daughter. One day, a letter arrived from the palace. “All women are invited to attend a grand ball where the prince will choose a bride.”

EVIL STEPMOTHER – Well, this is a nice treat for my daughter. “Anastasia, the Prince is looking for a Hoochie Mama. Get the servant girl to help powder that crooked snout you call a nose and pluck that hair from your giant mole.”

ANASTASIA – This is the greatest day of my life, Mama! I should wear that yellow dress. It accentuates my goiter protruding from my neck like a flower. Cinderella, get over here.

FUZZY – As Cinderella helped Anastasia get ready for the ball, she cleaned, powdered, and helped her into her yellow dress as she left for the night.

CINDERELLA – Oh, how I wish I could attend the ball and find my prince. But alas, I am just a mere servant girl covered in dirt and cinders.

FUZZY – As Cinderella wept by the fireplace, her cry was heard as a fairy magically appeared before her eyes.

FAIRY – Whoa. I almost materialized myself in the flaming fireplace. So, tell me, little lady, what’s all this about? I’m trying to get some sleep over here.

CINDERELLA – Oh, Fairy, I only wish to go to the ball and be happy for one night. But I am just a poor servant girl who lives in squalor.

FAIRY – You little floozie, that’s what you are, and I think you like it. But as your fairy, I’ll help you go to the ball and meet your prince. Quickly, fetch me a keg of beer, a one-legged prostitute, and a giant rubber duck.

CINDERELLA – Yes, fairy. I’ll fetch this immediately. Are these the items you will use to create my golden coach, horses and the coachman?

FAIRY – There’s no need to be nosey. This is for my own personal enjoyment. You get to run to the ball in that nice dress and fancy glass slippers I gave you. Have fun. Be home by midnight.

FUZZY – Well, this is getting off to an interesting start. Tune in next week for part two of Cinderella on Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales.

Is Your Teen 'Road Ready?'

Getting a driver’s license is a rite of passage for most kids. Across the U.S., teens as young as 14 are getting behind the wheel; teens can have full driving privileges at 16 in some states. The Governors Highway Safety Association state-by-state guide can give you the rules and regulations for novice drivers in your area.

Are you and your teen both ready to roll? The American Academy of Pediatrics offers tips on teaching your teen to drive. Their recommendations include discussing your route and the skills you’ll be practicing, giving clear and simple instructions calmly, addressing mistakes as they occur and reviewing their progress at the end of the lesson. Eventually your teen will be driving off without you and your expert guidance. But now what?

According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, 2,608 people were killed in crashes involving a teen driver in 2021. Some due to speeding. Others were caused by impaired driving. These are obvious safety risks for your teen driver. Teens who complete Drivers Ed, at school, online or with a private instructor, are less likely to take part in risky behavior or be involved in an accident. Student drivers learn the rules of the road and defensive driving techniques to help them become safer drivers. Most school districts and all states have programming available, find your local provider at the NHTSA website.

Here are a few more that you need to address before a drive ends in disaster.

Passengers

In a study evaluated by the NHTSA, teen drivers were two-and-a-half times more likely to engage in risky behaviors when driving with just one teenage peer vs driving alone. From there the risk of a fatal crash goes up in direct relation to the number of teenagers in the car. This is the reason each state restricts the number and type of passengers a beginner driver is allowed to carry; stick to these laws no matter how long -or short – the trip is. Set driving ground rules with your teen and explain the consequences for breaking them; put it in writing and enforce it!
Buckle up – it’s not only the law in every state, it’s lifesaving advice.

51% of the teen drivers who died in 2021 were unbuckled. Sadly, passengers follow their example; when a teen driver involved in a fatal accident wasn’t wearing a seatbelt, nine out of ten passengers who died were also unbuckled. This lesson has to start when they are very young; teach your kids to buckle up as soon as they graduate from a car seat. The NHTSA lists distraction, comfort and a false sense of safety as the main reasons kids ride beltless. A child distracted by games or snacking may just forget to buckle, so keep reminding them. Uncomfortable seatbelts may be an indication your child isn’t ready to leave their booster seat. Many kids – and adults – think they don’t need a belt on a short trip or at reduced speeds, but in fact, most fatal crashes happen within 25 miles of home and at speeds of less than 40 miles per hour. Their most important advice, buckle up yourself. When parents and caregivers fail to fasten their belt, children are less likely to wear theirs.
Drowsy Driving

Studying, part-time jobs and extracurricular activities can impact your kid’s bedtime routine. A sleep deprived teen driver is an impaired teen driver. Drowsiness affects alertness, reaction time and judgement. Drivers 17-23 years old, those who sleep less than six hours a night, who drive on rural roads or who drive after midnight are at the highest risk of an accident. Make sure your teen gets a good night’s sleep, monitor their driving after dark and pay attention to your state’s restrictions for nighttime driving.
Distracted Driving

An inexperienced teen can’t afford any distractions. According to the NHTSA, dialing a phone increases a teen’s risk of crashing by six! Texting increases the risk 23 times over. It’s not just smart devices causing distractions. Loud music can prevent a driver from hearing an approaching emergency vehicle or another driver’s warning horn. A teen late for school may try to make up time by fixing their hair, downing a breakfast sandwich or cup of coffee or applying lipstick while driving. Anything that takes their focus off the road – and that includes hands-free devices – reduces their ability to react to a sudden stop in front of them, a pothole or a patch of ice. Teach by example, make driving your number one priority when behind the wheel.
Hands on the Wheel

A tire blows out, a car drifts into their lane, a child or pet runs in front of the car or they hit black ice. All of these road emergencies require quick reactions and total control of the vehicle. Today driving instructors recommend holding the steering wheel at the 9-o-clock and 3-o-clock position — opposite sides of the wheel halfway up. This hand position allows good control over the wheel while reducing the risk of injury from the airbag in a crash. A bonus to proper placement, hands that are on the wheel aren’t texting, eating or applying make-up!
Shoes Make a Difference

Believe it or not footwear is the cause of around 16,000 crashes each year! (NHTSA) Drivers of all ages should be aware of ‘pedal error’ – a high heel caught under the brake or accelerator, a slippery dress shoe sole sliding off the clutch or a chunky wedge catching both pedals at once. Flip Flops are hard to keep on while walking, image one falling off between the pedals at 60 miles per hour? Go shoeless? Sweaty feet can slide off as well and, if you are involved in an accident, shoes protect your feet from glass and debris when you get out to inspect the damage. Thin soled shoes are the best choice for driving, keep a pair in the car to slip on before starting up.
Keep your hands on the wheel and eyes on the road - your kids are watching you.

Driving this lesson home, the best thing you can do as a parent is to be a good role model. Set an example for them and practice safe driving by wearing that seat belt, putting down the phone, being courteous to other drivers and obeying all the laws.