It’s Not Easy Being Green – Especially If You’re Trying To Avoid All Those Toads
Basic Fact of Life – it’s not easy being green. And for drivers trying to navigate around thousands of toads covering the road, it took the challenge to the a whole new level.
Time now for WDHA’s Weird News with Michael Fuzzy Lee.
Today in Weird News drivers on one Utah road turned green with disgust when they found the pavement covered with thousands of toads. So many, the people started calling it “toadmageddon.”
And on the phone with me right now is Mr. Tadpole an actual eyewitness.
FUZZY – So sir, can you describe what you saw?
MR. TADPOLE – Well thank you, sir. Well I was in my truck driving down the road and at first I thought, “F*&K. Did my wife lace the pancakes again with the good stuff?” Because unless my eyes are deceiving me, the road ahead is hopping. And I told her to save that s&*t for special occasions only.
FUZZY – That is incredible. So at closer inspection, what did you think was happening?
MR. TADPOLE – Well, two things crossed my mind. Number one, it’s either the end of the world and we’re all going to get warts and die or number two, every frog that died in the 1981 video game Frogger came back to get revenge.
FUZZY – That’s a scary thought. What should the people do?
MR. TADPOLE – Well if it’s the latter, according to the videogame hop in your car and squash those suckers before they eat a fly and score bonus points. If it’s the end of the world, there is good news. With death it means you get out of paying taxes. I wonder if Benjamin Franklin ever viewed it that way. It’s all about the glass half-full/half-empty routine.
FUZZY – You know that is a good point. Thank you Mr. Tadpole.
MR. TADPOLE – My pleasure.
And lastly in Weird News a California man spared no expense in creating a fake fire department buying a Ford F350 truck and outfitting it with California exempt license plates, emergency lights and fire decals on the front hood and rear tailgate. He even set up a website with fake photos and contact information which led visitors to a UPS store in a strip mall.
I wonder if this guy is related to Mugsy the gangster. This sounds like something he would do.
MUGSY – Alright, boys. We’re gonna use this fake fire department as a front for our illegal operation. Ya see? Jump on the phones. If anyone reports a fire, sell them one of our smuggled garden hoses with adjustable spray. With the wide selection of spray options, you could choose flat, jet, and shower to put the fire out yourself. Ya see? And you could conveniently pick up your new nozzle at the UPS store at the local strip mall. That’s the sales pitch, boys. Now get to work. Ya see?
I don’t know about you but I’m sold. And that’s DHA’s Weird News.
7 No-Nos That Spell Bad Etiquette at Concerts
Excessive Phone User
Bright screens and loud notifications can be distracting. Silence your phone, and if you need to use it, step out of the concert area. This also goes for taking photos and videos. A few pics or short videos are cool, but nobody wants to watch the whole concert through your shaky camera. Plus, it can block others’ views. In July, Miranda Lambert stopped her Las Vegas concert mid-song to call out fans for taking selfies.
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In & Out Concertgoer
Don’t be that person who’s always up and down during a concert. If you absolutely have to leave your seat, do it quietly when there’s a break between songs. Think about it, every time you get up, you make a whole row stand up to let you through. So, save your bathroom breaks and drink refills for intermissions, or opt for an aisle seat if you know you’ll be up and down a lot during the show. It’ll help keep things smooth for everyone.
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Loud Chit Chat
Nobody likes the person who talks loudly during the entire concert. They’re the one who chats with their friends at full volume, not realizing they’re annoying everyone else trying to enjoy the music. Essentially, they unintentionally disrupt the concert experience for others who just want to listen to the music without constant chatter in the background. If you want to chat, do it outside the concert area.
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Inebriation Nation
Excessive drinking or drug use can lead to obnoxious behavior and can be a safety concern. In a way, the concertgoer who’s sloppy drunk or high is like the wild card at the concert. They add an unpredictable element to the mix. While they might be having a blast, their actions can be a distraction and annoyance to others who are trying to enjoy the music in a more composed manner.
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Space Invader
Remember to respect people’s personal space and be aware of how you move around in the crowd. Most concerts are all about dancing and having a good time, so feel free to dance the night away. Just be sure to look around and make sure you’re not accidentally bumping into others while you’re at it. Additionally, being considerate means refraining from pushing or shoving them to get closer to the stage.
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