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WDHA Morning Jolt

WDHA Morning Jolt

WDHA Morning Jolt

Fuzzy Concludes His Fracturing of Hansel and Gretel

Author Jim Monaghan

Last week, we (somewhat reluctantly) shared part one of Fuzzy’s reboot of Hansel and Gretel. After a week to digest what took place in that episode, we present the conclusion.

ANNOUNCER – It’s time to listen to one of our favorite magical stories. Well, sort of. It’s Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales on the WDHA Morning Jolt.

Previously on Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales I can’t believe this. They left us here to die again. I’m calling Child Protective Services. We have a lovely old blind lady who lives in the gingerbread house. Just follow the breadcrumb emojis I mapped on your phone and have a nice day.

FUZZY – And now the conclusion of Hansel and Gretel.

After a long walk, Hansel and Gretel located the gingerbread house. As Gretel started to eat chocolate picked from a window shutter, an old blind lady opened the door.

OLD LADY – I smell two children. Step forward, kids. Don’t be afraid. Let me feel your finger.
HANSEL – Lady, you could pull my finger and make me fart in Gretel’s face as I swing my Jimmy around like a lasso. Please just don’t abandon us like our parents did.
GRETEL – Yeah, lady, if you promise to be nice, we could play Karaoke Carpool with James Corden. Do you have a gingerbread mobile? I’ll try not to crash it as we sing together. I may be eight years old, but I am responsible.

FUZZY – As time went on, the three got along nicely. The old lady fed them well. Hansel swung his Jimmy around like a lasso while Gretel sang Karaoke Carpool. It was one happy family.

OLD LADY – You kids certainly are fun. Normally I would have consumed you by now, but you make me feel young again. Excuse me, the phone is ringing. Hello?
BEN DOVER – This is Ben Dover from Child Protective Services. Just calling to see how the kids are doing.
OLD LADY – Very well. The kids enjoy being here, but I can’t talk now. And Gretel just crashed my gingerbread mobile through the house, piercing Hansel’s Jimmy against the spiked candy cane. Gotta tend to their needs.
BEN DOVER – Very good. That’s very responsible of you. And thank you for being a parent sponsor. I leave the children in your capable hands. I hope the three of you have a happy Thanksgiving. Have a nice day.

FUZZY – Note to self do not decorate the walls with spiked candy canes while a child drives around in a gingerbread mobile. That’s good to know.

Funny Rock Songs: 5 Tracks That Still Make Us Laugh

Rock and Roll is many things: Cool, loud, in-your-face, and, sometimes funny.

One of the best examples of this comes via The Offspring, whose fifth studio album, Americana, was released on November 17, 1998. The album was a big hit for the band. Americana sold 198,000 copies in the United States during its first week of release. It went on to sell over 10 million copies worldwide. Five million copies alone were sold in the United States.

Dexter Holland summarized the album’s overall sentiment in a 1998 interview with Billboard. At the time, he said, “I was thinking about how today’s America is distorted really. It’s not Normal Rockwell anymore; it’s Jerry Springer.”

RELATED: The Offspring: New Video Features Chimps, Strippers and...John Stamos?!

Out the gate, Americana got a lot of attention thanks to its lead single, “Pretty Fly (For A White Guy).” The single made fun of posers and was rather ahead of its time for making fun of white people for appropriating Black culture. Not only was the song hilarious, but its music video was in heavy rotation on MTV and truly complemented the track. (Side note: After a re-watch, the video still holds up all these years later. It was one of many music videos at that time directed by McG.)

This has us thinking about other funny rock songs in history. They have been sprinkled throughout the decades. Some of these funny rock songs were all about getting laughs. Meanwhile, others had a hidden meaning or served as commentary on society. Then again, some of these songs were just plain weird. (Looking at you, Frank Zappa!)

In honor of the anniversary of Americana, here are just five of our favorites. (For the sake of this list, we’ve omitted notable comedy acts, like “Weird Al” Yankovic, who are known for their humor. This list focuses on acts that weren’t exclusively known for their comedy.)

  • The Offspring - "Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)'"

    The world loves wannabes, and by “loves,” we clearly mean “loves to make fun of” wannabes. There are plenty of clever lyrics in this Offspring hit. If we had to pick a favorite, we going with, “He needs some cool tunes, not just any will suffice/But they didn’t have Ice Cube so he bought Vanilla Ice.”

  • Randy Newman - "Short People"

    Randy Newman’s “Short People” is absurd satire at its finest and most catchy. On the surface, the song is completely silly, but as with most satire, it holds a mirror up to the world. In this case, it showed just how ridiculous prejudice is in all its variations.

  • Frank Zappa - "Don't Eat The Yellow Snow"

    Frank Zappa was a delightful, one-of-a-kind weirdo who was a true original. If we’re being honest, “Don’t Eat The Yellow Snow” is just good advice.

  • Dr. Hook & the Medicine Show - "The Cover of 'Rolling Stone'"

    Dr. Hook & the Medicine Show were really, to borrow slang from the Brits, “taking the piss” out of rock stars and Rolling Stone with their classic song “The Cover of ‘Rolling Stone’.” Also, the track was penned by Shel Silverstein, which makes the song even cooler.

  • AC/DC - 'Big Balls'

    We’ve said this before, but we’ll say it again: AC/DC doesn’t do subtle, but they do do silly. (And yes, we just said “do-do.”) “Big Balls” is clearly the silliest song in the legendary band’s catalog. You truly can’t help but laugh at this one.

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Author Jim Monaghan
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