Have the Pepto Ready When Fuzzy Fractures Mulan
You better make sure you have plenty of Pepto in the medicine cabinet when Fuzzy decides to fracture Disney’s Mulan. Something tells us Fa Zhou’s stomach may never recover.
Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales
ANNOUNCER – It’s time to listen to one of our favorite magical stories. Well, sort of. It’s Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales on the WDHA Morning Jolt.
FUZZY – Let’s see. I have clam chowder, chicken noodles, and lentil soup. Good morning, boys and girls. Just thinking about what I should have for lunch later today. But first, let’s fracture Disney’s Mulan – Soup’s On.
Mulan and Grandmother Fa were in the kitchen preparing soup. Distraught that Mulan’s father, Fa Zhou, has been ordered to join the Chinese army. They wonder why.
MULAN – I don’t understand. Why don’t they just recruit every K-Pop star and send them into battle instead of my father? All their music sounds the same, like techno-s*#t. We could do without them.
GRANDMOTHER FA – Oh, dear. That may be true, Mulan. If they combine their music, they could win this war just by annoying the enemy with one giant sh*@&y concert. Nails on a chalkboard have a more pleasant sound than that crap.
AUDIO – Oh, sorry.
MULAN – Oh, grandmother, we have to think of a way to get father out of this.
FUZZY – As Mulan and her grandmother continued with the soup, Mulan thought of a way as she stirred the pot. A little extra spice would be nice.
MULAN – Grandmother, I have an idea. Quickly, I need chili powder, cayenne pepper, and a bushel of Carolina reapers.
GRANDMOTHER FA – Oh. I see where you’re going. No army would consider him with a severe case of explosive diarrhea. His hiney hole will turn into a flamethrower.
AUDIO – Here it comes. HOT! HOT! HOT! Oh…it’s over.
FUZZY – As they both prepared the soup, Mulan’s father walked in to enjoy his final meal before joining the army. Mulan presented him a bowl of chicken soup that fizzled and popped like it came out of a mad scientist’s laboratory.
FA ZHOU – Wow, this soup smells delicious. Do you have a spoon so I could enjoy my final home-cooked meal? Please, MULAN – Daddy, this truly will be your final meal. But remember, I’m doing this to save you, not necessarily your hiney hole. Soups on!
FUZZY – For some reason, I’m not feeling all too hungry anymore. I’ll just stick to a glass of water. See you next week.
'Barbenheimer' Dominates Golden Globe Nominations
