“Literally Anybody Else” Enters the 2024 Election
If you’re frustrated with the voting options for the upcoming 2024 election, Literally Anybody Else is here to offer you an alternative.
Just think about all those times you have walked into a voting booth and thought, “These are my choices?”
Well, leave it to the Executive Producer Michael Fuzzy Lee to track down the alternative candidate – Literally Anybody Else.
ANNOUNCER – Time now for WDHA’s Weird News with Michael Fuzzy Lee.
FUZZY – Today in Weird News, a Texas man who first appeared in the news back in April when he legally changed his name to “Literally Anybody Else” and then announced he’s running for president, is still taking his candidacy seriously.
Mr. Else says he changed his name to protest presidential politics, and because he doesn’t like any of the options in this year’s election.
He has failed to get his name on the ballot in Texas because he fell short of the 113,000 signatures required by Texas Secretary of State, so he has launched a write-in vote campaign.
Literally Anybody Else In the 2024 Election
And on the phone with me now is Literally Anybody Else. So sir, it’s a pleasure to have you on today, so tell me, why did you go as far as changing your name?
ELSE – Well ain’t it obvious? I ain’t happy with all Republican choices, I ain’t happy with our Democrat choices, and I ain’t happy with myself. That’s why I changed my name to Literally Anybody Else, so I could score a write-in on the ballot, so you better vote for me, b**ch.
FUZZY – And I guess that’s a good plan, but ain’t it a long shot? Don’t you have to debate the other candidates? Is anyone in the media asking you questions about what policies you support?
ELSE – Well the last I checked, you’re on the phone with me now, bro. I only answer hard-hitting questions.
For example, you could ask me, who is your favorite evil gangster boss of all time? That’s a good question.
You could also ask me, who do you like holding hands with as I walk off the stage? That’s pretty good, and another hard-hitting question you could ask me is, what’s your favorite ice cream?
So take your pick, b**ch, ask me a hard-hitting question.
FUZZY – Uh, okay, what’s your favorite ice cream?
ELSE – Now that is a great question. As I see it, the world is so polarized, it’s us versus them. So clearly, my favorite ice cream is a scoop of chocolate, a scoop of vanilla, and just to be fair, a scoop of blueberry ice cream, which has a greyish appearance to it.
Add a couple of bananas, chocolate sauce, whipped cream, and a cherry, and you get the trifecta.
I call it my all-inclusive triple-woke sundae. It’s part of my DEI ice cream policy. So what do you think?
FUZZY – Well, I admit, that is a pretty good ice cream policy you have. But are you doing anything else to help market yourself?
ELSE – Now I’m glad you brought that up.
I’m mass-producing a bunch of Vote For Literally Anybody Else Elmo dolls as a way to motivate people, I have one right here. Listen to some of the phrases that are programmed in this thing.
“If you don’t call for Literally Anybody Else, that means you’re anti ice cream! No sundae for you!”
ELSE – Now that’s motivation for you! Check out sounder number two.
“If you like smoking crack, like Literally Everybody Else does, then vote for him. He’ll keep the drugs flowing.”
ELSE – Now ain’t that the truth.! And finally, sounder number three.
“If you don’t want to vote for Literally Anybody Else, then write in Snoop Dogg’s name because he’s literally anybody else.
Yes, Snoop Dogg’s my backup plan if I can’t win. Pick up your doll today for a special price of 99 dollars and 99 cents. And if you call me within the hour, you get free shipping.
So what do you think?
FUZZY – I think I have to go and take a dump right now. But thank you, sir, for your time and I wish you the best of luck.
ELSE – My pleasure. And remember, both for Literally Anybody Else.
FUZZY – And that’s DHA’s Weird News.
