Disney’s Sleeping Beauty Has A Real Nightmare
The story of Disney’s Sleeping Beauty is a childhood favorite of many.
Those “many” likely have never heard Fuzzy’s “interpretation” of the nocturnal princess.
Disney’s Sleeping Beauty – According To Fuzzy
ANNOUNCER – It’s time to listen to one of our favorite magical stories. Erm, well, sort of.
It’s Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales on the WDHA Morning Jolt.
FUZZY – It’s time to fracture another fairy tale, it’s Disney’s Sleeping Beauty In Sleepless Beauty.
Even after Maleficent put a curse on Baby Princess Aurora, three magical fairies came to her aid – Flora, Fauna and Merryweather.
At a safe location, they have another daunting task – put a crying baby to sleep.
FLORA – Oh dear, wonder if I got myself into. I don’t know how to care for a human child, Fauna, help!
FAUNA – I think you’re overreacting, Flora. Aurora is supposed to grow up to be a prim and proper princess.
Then again, Maleficent did put a curse on her.
If she continues to cry, she’ll be no different than the Real Housewives TV show. They’re all a bunch of cry babies.
MERRYWEATHER – I have an idea.
Take her out of that royal carriage of hers and yell this magic phrase, “SHUT THE F**K UP, B***H!”
That spell usually works wonders for me.
FUZZY – As they uttered the magic phrase to Baby Aurora, it was no use. Maleficent’s curse quickly dispelled the fairy’s magic. What can the fairy do when her spell doesn’t go through?
FLORA – I can’t take this anymore! Her crying is just as annoying as Miley Cyrus singing “Heart of Glass” by Blondie. Her voice is like a bullet piercing my skull.
Oh Lord, someone please give me whiskey!
FAUNA – Oh, I see what you mean, but Flora, you can’t give a child whiskey. Give her tender loving care instead. That should work.
MERRYEATHER – What you talking about, Fauna? We’re fairies, not angels.
Flora, I think that’s a great idea. Give me that bottle of whiskey. I’ll drink it myself.
I got a damn migraine headache dropping like I just came out of a Miley Cyrus concert.
FUZZY – As they continued to discuss the best way to handle the situation, they did come to a conclusion that they all agreed to.
MERRYWEATHER – I have an idea. How about we hand the baby back over to Maleficent and say, “You won. You deal with described b***h, Sleepless Beauty. Then we could all celebrate by eating apples.
FLORA AND FAUNA – Agreed!
FUZZY – That is a good way to shorten a 90-minute movie down to two minutes. Too badly didn’t think about that first in 1959.
MORE FUZZY’S FRACTURED FAIRY TALES