Who Knew Dealing With Cold Cuts Could Be Like Splitting An Atom
Welcome to another edition of Facebook Theater – private drama performed publicly because We. Just. Need. You. To. Know.
Today’s episode includes speed traps, nude beaches, and a choice between a cold cut slice and a bran muffin that makes splitting an atom seem easy.
- I might not be able to remember what I ate for dinner last night but I can warn you about every single spot where a state trooper sits all the way up and down the Garden State Parkway. My next trick will be to monetize that s&*t.
- Talk about an eye-opening experience! Today is the five year anniversary of the time I accidentally took my kids to the nudist beach while on family vacation in San Diego. I can still hear my son – “Uh mom…I don’t think we’re supposed to be here.”
- If you are curious about my Monday, it was ruined by a slice of f#&@ing honey maple turkey. Some world we live in where a f#&@ing cold cut dictates how your day is going to go. I had to sit there for 15 minutes like f#&@ing Oppenheimer trying to remove the turkey from the parchment paper just to put it on the seedless roll. I think I’ll choose the brand muffin next time.
We don’t know about you but the Oppenheimer reference is an absolute classic!
And if there’s a way to monetize New Jersey State Police speed trap locations on the Garden State Parkway, we have NO DOUBT WHATSOEVER that it will get done!
You Should Probably Skip These Foods At A Breakfast Buffet
Eggs
Many establishments opt for powdered eggs instead of fresh ones, as it’s a cost-effective way to prepare large quantities of scrambled eggs to cater to numerous guests at once. However, powdered eggs cannot compare to the taste, texture, and color of their fresh counterparts. Another concern lies in the fact that these eggs are pre-cooked, which means they might sit at unsafe temperatures for extended periods.
According to the FDA, serving eggs immediately after cooking is crucial to prevent foodborne illnesses. Unfortunately, in a buffet setting, it’s challenging to determine how long the eggs have been sitting out.
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Fruit
Unless you witnessed the fruit being freshly prepared in the kitchen, it’s nearly impossible to gauge how long that eye-catching fruit display has been sitting there. According to the FDA, when fruits are cut, their protective skins are breached, leaving the flesh vulnerable to the surrounding environment and any potential bacteria. This creates two primary reasons that heighten the risk of contamination. Firstly, cutting the fruit makes its water content and nutrients readily available to microorganisms. Secondly, without any heating process, disease-causing germs aren’t eliminated, further contributing to the potential hazards of consuming cut fruits from a buffet display.
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Waffles
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There’s a joy of pouring your own batter into a Belgian waffle maker, flipping it eagerly, and waiting for that gratifying green light before embellishing it with toppings. However, it’s best to exercise caution and avoid the waffle station. As per TikToker Brandi Augustus, a former hotel employee, the waffle batter served there is often old and sour. Instead of disposing of the old batter, new batter is mixed with it. It’s worth noting that not all places offering breakfast buffets adhere to this practice, but it’s wise to stay informed and make a decision based on the circumstances.
