What If Opposites Don’t Really Attract and Having Similar Traits is Better?
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. I’m happy not to be in the dating game. It seems so tough. Approaching people in bars. Swiping on certain apps. I met my wife many years ago, we dated, got engaged, got married, and had two kids.
Thankfully she still puts up with me. And according to some new research, there might be a good reason why. Maybe Opposites Don’t Really Attract and Having Similar Traits is Better?
I’m sure you’re familiar with the phrase “Opposites Attract.” This is where two people, who seemingly have nothing in common, find each other irresistible, and a relationship blossoms. I’ve always thought that sounded tough.
My wife and I share so many of the same interests, have many of the same views and values and I feel like that only helps our relationship. It strengthens it.
And, according to some recent data revealed by The Guardian, I might not be wrong. As I said, Maybe Opposites Don’t Really Attract, and Having Similar Traits is Better.
A study by nature.com on romantic relationships found that for more than 80% of traits analyzed – from political views to drug taking and the age at which people first had sex – partners were usually quite similar. According to the research, between 82% and 89% of traits examined were similar among partners, with only 3% ranking as substantially different.
There were many different traits that were studied in this research. Couples largely matched across a huge number of them including political and religious views, levels of education, and some measures of IQ. Heavy smokers, heavy drinkers, and teetotalers all tended to partner up with people who shared their habits.
Now, that’s not to say 2 individuals that are opposites can’t pair up and make it work. I’ve just found that sharing the same traits or views on things has really helped strengthen my relationship with my wife.
Are you bucking the trend with your partner? Are you both very different from one another? Maybe so, and that’s ok. Just don’t go out of your way to find someone who’s your opposite, because this research shows it might not be the best fit!
Avoid These First Date Fails: 14 Worst Places to Go
Strip Club
A strip club as a first date location is perhaps the epitome of a worst-case scenario. The combination of loud music, dim lighting, and provocative performances make it impossible to have a real heart-to-heart. Instead of getting to know each other, the focus shifts entirely to the dancers on stage, leaving little room for real interaction. Although, someone on Reddit admitted to having a first date at a strip club. They even turned it into something positive. “The trick is to never take your eyes off your date to prove your loyalty,” they wrote.
Polka Dot Images/ Getty Images
Funeral
It’s a super sad and serious occasion where people are mourning and trying to cope with loss. Also, not the time to try and spark a romantic connection. It would be so awkward and totally disrespectful to everyone there. First dates are supposed to be fun and light-hearted, not filled with grief and sorrow. On a Reddit thread, a woman recounted an awkward experience she had while attending a funeral with a date. Expressing her discomfort, she wrote, “God rest your soul Grandpa Jack but if I’m ever introduced somewhere as a ‘special friend’ ever again I’m gonna unalive myself.” YIKES!
PeopleImages/ Getty Images
Cemetery
The eerie silence, tombstones, and the constant reminder of mortality create an atmosphere that’s anything but romantic. Instead of charming conversation and shared laughter, you’re left feeling uncomfortable and awkward, tiptoeing around gravestones. It’s not the kind of setting that fosters a genuine connection. Plus, nobody wants their first date to feel like a horror movie. You won’t believe this, but I have a former coworker who actually takes her dogs for walks in a cemetery. She claims it’s to steer clear of people and other dogs. Anyway, she thought it would be a great idea to bring a guy she met on a dating app along for one of these walks. Let’s just say that was their first and last date.
Rawpixel/ Getty Images
Sex Shop
Suggesting a sex shop as a first date destination is a cringe-worthy nightmare. It’s like entering the ultimate awkward zone. From the moment you step inside, you’re surrounded by a plethora of adult toys and intimate products, and there’s no way to avoid feeling uncomfortable. Instead of getting to know each other, you’d be blushing and trying to dodge eye contact at every turn. Not exactly the recipe for a successful first date. Apparently, it happens. Someone on Reddit shared the details of their first date at a sex shop, writing ” Xxx adult book store/theater/novelty shop. he said to just keep an open mind.”
JackF/ Getty Images
Little League Game
A little league game as a first date, especially when you have no relation or ties to the kids playing, can be quite a cringe-inducing situation. While supporting children’s sports is admirable, this setting may not be the best for getting to know each other. Why not splurge a little and go for a major league game or a minor league event instead? It could be way more fun and exciting. There was a Redditor who shared their rather unexpected experience of going on a first date to a little league game.”I was pretty excited for a baseball game date until we pulled up to a local field where kids were playing…and no he didn’t have kids.”
bitterfly/ Getty Images
Movies
Sure, it sounds classic, but think about it. You’re sitting in the dark, not talking, and trying to get to know each other while silently munching on popcorn. There’s zero chance for meaningful conversation or bonding. Plus, you can’t gauge each other’s reactions to the movie, which could be a bit awkward if one of you hates it and the other loves it. From my own experience, just know that it’s a challenge trying to get to know someone while a movie is blaring sonic booms and people around you are constantly munching their popcorn and obnoxiously slurping their drinks.
T Turovska/ Getty Images
Abandoned Construction Site
An abandoned construction site as a first date is a recipe for disaster. It’s not only dangerous but also incredibly creepy and uncomfortable. The dusty surroundings, broken structures, and potential hazards make it far from an ideal setting to get to know someone. Realistically, no one in their right mind would suggest such a location for a first date, or would they? This one actually appeared on a list reported by Thrillist. According to the list of voters, more than 200 people went on a date on an abandoned construction site. It’s just not a place to foster a connection or create lasting memories. Let’s leave the abandoned construction sites for action movies and opt for a much safer.
anatoliy_gleb/ Getty Images
Geocaching
While geocaching can be an exciting and adventurous activity for some, it might not be the best choice for a first date. Geocaching involves using GPS coordinates to find hidden containers or “caches” outdoors, which can take you to unfamiliar locations and sometimes rugged terrains. Your date might get the wrong idea, like you’re taking them to a creepy dungeon with victims. Also, for some people, this type of activity can be intimidating, especially if they are not comfortable with outdoor adventures or physical challenges. Someone on Reddit shared how creepy this first date activity can be. “In* a secluded area, where you might get kidnapped and maybe murdered or sold off to I wonder where,” they wrote.
Wavebreakmedia/ Getty Images
Camping
Camping as a first date might not be the best idea. It can be a real challenge, especially if you’re both new to it. Setting up tents, dealing with bugs, and getting used to outdoor living can be stressful and take away from the opportunity to connect. Plus, if the weather doesn’t cooperate, it could turn into a total disaster. Camping requires a lot of cooperation and problem-solving, which might be too much for a first date. Some people shared their thoughts about this in a Reddit thread with one person writing, “No. Just no. If she doesn’t know you that well it could be super sketchy.” While camping might not be everyone’s ideal first date, some people have found success, especially if they are enthusiastic about camping.
helivideo/ Getty Images
Nightclub
Hitting up a nightclub for a first date might not be the best idea. It’s just too loud and crazy to have a decent chat and get to know each other. You’ll end up yelling to hear anything, and that’s not exactly a recipe for a romantic time. Plus, with all the drinking and partying going on, things could get a little messy. This happened more times than I would like to admit in my lifetime. And every time I thought my opinion would change one it. A place that’s loud with drinking and strobe lights is recipe for disaster. Especially when your date doesn’t know their alcohol limits. Oh, and you can’t forget not being able to hold a conversation under the “bump” and “thump” of the music.
Filippo Carlot/ Getty Images
Your Place
It could get a little too close for comfort, you know? Plus, it might be a bit awkward and make you feel like you’re invading each other’s personal space. Unless you both love being cooped up and binge-watching Netflix together, Safety-wise, it’s better to meet up in a public spot where you both feel at ease. Keep the home hangouts for when you’re more familiar with each other.
Prostock-Studio/ Getty Images
Group Date With Friends
While it may sound fun and casual, a group date as your first date could present some challenges. With a crowd of friends or acquaintances around, the spotlight might be shared, making it difficult to have personal and meaningful conversations with your date. Instead of getting to know each other intimately, you might find yourself engaged in small talk or trying to keep up with the group dynamic. The potential for distractions and divided attention could leave you feeling disconnected and longing for a more intimate experience.
dolgachov/ Getty Images
Gym
A first date at the gym can lead to some unexpected challenges and potentially ruin the date’s mood. Feeling out of place and self-conscious can overshadow the opportunity to connect. Plus, sweating it out together might not be the most flattering scenario for a first impression. “I wouldn’t even be able to say a full sentence without being out of breath from doing 5 squats,” a Redditor shared on the subject.
Prostock-Studio/ Getty Images
Fast-Food Restaurant
A tempting choice for a quick and affordable meal, but perhaps not the best spot for a first date. Sure, it’s convenient, but let’s face it, the ambiance is far from romantic or intimate. You’re met with fluorescent lights, plastic seats, customer chatter, and register beeps. Not to mention the limited menu options, which might not cater to everyone’s tastes or dietary preferences. Nothing kills the mood faster than feeling disappointed or unsatisfied with your meal choice. Whether it’s disappointment from your date or your stomach.
Drazen Zigic/ Getty Images
