Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales – Star Wars Attack of the Clones
With Star Wars Day coming up this Saturday (May the Fourth Be With You), Michael Fuzzy Lee has chosen to Fracture Star Wars – Attack of the Clones for this week’s episode.
We apologize in advance to any and all Star Wars fans.
Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales – Star Wars Attack of the Clones
ANNOUNCER – It’s time to listen to one of our favorite magical stories. Erm, well, sort of.
It’s Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales on the WDHA Morning Jolt.
FUZZY – Good morning boys and girls, we are just days away from May the 4th and you know what that means.
Let’s fracture Star Wars Attack of the Clones, the Arena.
Jedi Knight, Anakin Skywalker, and Senator Amidala were captured on a planet called Geonosis.
In the failed attempt to rescue Obi-Wan Kenobi, the three are now chained to a tall pillar in an arena as the audience watches.
OBI – Well, this is the fine mess. I get back from vacation from planet Libido where the ladies have giant hooters and the ladies here want my head on a platter.
And I’m not talking about the one with two eyes. This rescue sucks.
PAD – I do apologize Obi-Wan. Unfortunately I thought hooking up with a Jedi will be safe. And long and behold, here we are captured by Jingle Fett.
So can you explain to me, Anakin, why I married you?
ANAKIN – Listen, b**ch, I married you because you’re the only female human in this story. My options are very limited.
I can marry Yoda, but I’m not a fan of a walking green turd. I can marry Emperor Palpatine, but he is destined to become the Crypt Keeper attached to a crane.
So I don’t think so.
If anything, that mofo should be on Dancing With the Stars. He moves around quite gracefully on that gizmo.
PAD – Oh really? Are you destined to become Darth Vader? Why don’t you speed up the process and save us? At least he has balls, even though they are metal and mechanical.
But at least he has a pair nonetheless.
FUZZY – As Jango Fett looked upon our helpless heroes, he hyped up the crowd into a frenzy with Jedi jokes before releasing the monsters.
JANGO – It looks like I have the three of you exactly where I want you to be. Before my pets feast on you, I have a question.
What do you call two Jedi’s and Senator Amidala piled on top of a lightsaber?
OBI – Oh, I heard this one before. It’s a Jedi metallic-abob.
Can I order mine with extra spice and a milkshake to go, please?
JANGO – Damn you, Jedi scum! You stole my joke!
I had enough of you. Monsters attack!
ANAKIN – Well thank you, Master Kenobi. Now look what you’ve done – we’re monster meat!
This is not how I wanted to end the day.
FUZZY – Come to think of it, I could go for a couple of meaty kebabs right now.
Tune in next week for part two of Star Wars Attack of the Clones, the Arena on Fuzzy’s
Fractured Fairy Tales.
MORE FUZZY’S FRACTURED FAIRY TALES
