Fuzzy Fractures Winnie the Pooh and Piglet Plus A Surprise Cameo By Han Solo

Author Jim Monaghan

August 15th, 2023 11:00 AM

BREAKING NEWS!

Beginning Tuesday August 22, FUZZY’S FRACTURED FAIRY TALES will be a revenue-generating feature on the WDHA Morning Jolt with a 5-week sponsorship by the New York Renaissance Faire!

ANNOUNCER – It’s time to listen to one of our favorite magical stories. Well, sort of. It’s Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales on the WDHA Morning Jolt.

FUZZY – Now, let’s see what I have here. Good morning, everyone. I’m just going through my recipe folder as I decide on what to have for dinner tonight.

In the meantime, let’s fracture Winnie the Pooh in “The Sleepover.”

One day, Pooh Bear decided to have a sleepover with his friend Piglet. It was strange for Piglet to sleep somewhere else, as the sounds of crickets and other animals frighten him. But there’s someone else that frightens him as well.

PIGLET – Ah, Pooh Bear.It’s kind of scary sleeping in the dead of night. I’m afraid to be eaten alive by a heffalump, or worse, your mama.
POOH – That is a scary thought for you. At least Mama likes her pig roasted – ham, bacon, pork chops. If I didn’t like honey so much, I’ll cut you into bacon strips. What do you suggest we do?

KRAMER – Can I sleep with you?

FUZZY – As Piglet jumped into Pooh’s bed, they laid there shoulder-to-shoulder as they gazed at the ceiling. But there was something weird about this.

POOH – Ah, Piglet.Do you feel comfortable yet?
PIGLET – I’m not sure. You know, I never realized just how big you are. You may want to go on a diet. Your belly is as big as Fat Bastard’s ass from Austin Powers.

FAT BASTARD – You know, that hurts my feelings. I tried going on a diet. You know, carbs are the huh.

PIGLET – And would you stop brushing your paws up the side of my leg? I hope you’re just fidgety and not trying to tell me something.
POOH – Sorry about that. I got an idea. Let me turn the light slow so we could get some rest.
PIGLET – Oh, boy, here we go.

HAN SOLO – I got a bad feeling about this.

FUZZY – As they both try to get some sleep, Pooh’s paws constantly draped over Piglet in an inappropriate manner. Thinking getting eaten by Pooh’s mama was bad? This is worse.

PIGLET – You know what, Pooh Bear? Maybe I’ll just visit your mama and exchange pig recipes. For some odd reason, I don’t think I’ll mind being turned to roasted pork enchiladas. I’ll see you later.

FUZZY – You know, roasted pork enchiladas does sound good. Now I just have to find me a piglet that I could turn into pulled pork.

Caution: 6 Foods You May Want to Avoid at Restaurants

As you sit at a restaurant, a diner may find themselves contemplating certain aspects of the establishment. Questions may naturally arise. How well-maintained is this place? to Are the ingredients in the dishes as fresh as they claim to be? It’s only human to wonder about the cleanliness of the establishment and the credibility of certain food items. But what foods should you avoid at restaurants?

Dining out at restaurants has become an integral part of many of our lives. They offer convenience, diverse cuisines, and enjoyable experiences. While it’s undoubtedly enjoyable, it’s important to approach restaurant dining with mindfulness and consideration.

Occasional restaurant pitfalls.

While most establishments prioritize food safety and quality, there can be occasional pitfalls. One category of concern is seafood. Seafood dishes, particularly those featuring raw or undercooked ingredients, can present risks of foodborne illnesses.

Additionally, some fried foods may be prepared using reused or overheated cooking oil, resulting in a less-than-appetizing taste and potential health risks. Fried dishes that appear excessively greasy or have a rancid smell should raise a red flag, suggesting that they may not be the best option on the menu.

More foods you should avoid at restaurants.

It may also be wise to be cautious about certain buffet offerings. While buffets offer a variety of choices, the food can remain exposed to varying temperatures for extended periods, increasing the risk of contamination. Opting for freshly prepared dishes or ordering from the menu may be a safer alternative.

Dishes with unidentifiable ingredients or unusually low prices could raise concerns about their quality or sourcing. It doesn’t hurt to ask about unfamiliar ingredients and to be wary of menu items that seem too good to be true.

By keeping an eye out for certain dishes, we can make choices that put our health first without sacrificing any enjoyment. But it’s not just on us to be careful. Restaurants need to do their part too. And keep in mind that most restaurants work hard at keeping up top-notch hygiene and food safety.

If you want to minimize your risk of food poisoning on your next dining out, check out these foods you probably should avoid at restaurants.

Tap Water
Even with filtration in place, restaurant water might not be as pristine as one would assume. A study conducted by the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences revealed that approximately 3-10% of water systems in North America have annually violated health standards set by the Safe Drinking Water Act, and this includes restaurants, as reported by the water filtration company, Quench. Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon to find germs and chemicals in restaurant tap water that could potentially affect the health of patrons. Common impurities detected in tap water supplies consist of microorganisms like bacteria, germs, parasites, and viruses, as well as substances like lead, chlorine, aluminum, pesticides, and others.

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Raw Sprouts
If sprouts aren’t properly stored and cleaned, they can become quite risky. Unfortunately, when ordering food at a restaurant, we may not witness this process. Sprouts are commonly cultivated in warm, moist conditions, which makes them an ideal breeding ground for bacteria, according to Health Digest. Recent outbreaks of E. coli and Salmonella have been potentially linked to these greens.

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Drink Garnishes
Bartenders often don’t have to follow the same stringent sanitary standards as the kitchen staff. As a result, the fruits used in drinks are likely to be unwashed, and they might sit out for days without refrigeration. According to Good Housekeeping, it’s worth giving a second thought to that citrus fruit you might be adding to your drink while dining out. A study revealed that 70% of these sliced fruits carry “over 25 different types of germs.” Contrary to popular belief, even alcohol doesn’t seem to do the trick in killing these germs. Good Morning America visited six restaurants and discovered that the lemons were teeming with “fecal matter” and even harbored the dreaded E. coli bacteria.

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Fish
Consider giving those impromptu “All-You-Can-Eat” fish special days a second thought. The fish served on such occasions is often leftovers from a shipment received a few days prior, which means it may not be at its freshest. According to Healthline, fish not stored at the proper temperature might become contaminated with a toxin known as histamine, which is produced by bacteria in the fish. Moreover, Healthline highlights that cooking at regular temperatures does not eliminate histamine, making it a potential cause of food poisoning.

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Bottled Ketchup
Whether your ketchup bottle is already on the table at a restaurant or brought to you by the server, chances are it has been handled by multiple people throughout the day or even longer. Making it a potential carrier of germs. Reader’s Digest explains that the reason these same bottles keep circulating is that the ketchup in each of them is often “married.” This means that as the volume of ketchup decreases in individual bottles, servers will combine the contents of several bottles into one. However, there is a downside to this practice: you may end up consuming ketchup of an unknown age or expiration date, leading to an unpleasant taste.

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Fresh Squeezed Juices
It might be worth reconsidering your choice, just as you skip adding garnishes to your drink. Freshly squeezed juices can be teamed with bacteria, unlike pasteurized juices. A study conducted by the MSU Extension reveals that most commercially sold juices in the United States are processed or pasteurized to eliminate harmful foodborne illness bacteria. However, when fruits are freshly squeezed into juice, there is a risk of harmful bacteria lingering in the finished product.

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