Fuzzy Fractures The Lion King, And Pumbaa Ultimately Crashes the Party

Author Jim Monaghan

October 3rd, 2023 9:08 AM

ANNOUNCER – It’s time to listen to one of our favorite magical stories. Well, sort of. It’s Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales on the WDHA Morning Jolt.

FUZZY – And good morning, boys and girls. And get ready for another fun-filled fracturing episode.

Today’s story, The Lion King – A Day Without Pumbaa. Let’s go.

One day, Timon and Simba were hunting for bugs in the jungle. Hungry and frustrated, they were grateful Pumbaa wasn’t around to spoil their lunch.

TIMON – Man, all this searching for food blows a giant mongoose hole. Simba, can’t we just feast at Hell’s Kitchen in Vegas? I hear Gordon Ramsay’s a really nice guy. Makes a great burger.

GORDON RAMSAY AUDIO – You donkey, stop lying to me!

SIMBA – Timon, that may be true, but remember this just as you cannot see the forest for the trees, you cannot enjoy a hamburger for a day without Pumbaa.
TIMON – Uh, Simba, what the hell are you talking about?
SIMBA – Beats me. I’m just a stupid lion pretending to be wise who was destined to be king. Now, let’s eat some bugs.

FUZZY – As the two sat on the log and started to eat, a soft rustling sound came from behind. As it grew louder and louder, Pumbaa crashed through the bushes and landed on top of them.

TIMON – Yo, bro, you have some nerve crashing in like this. I should drop that big warthog of yours to Gordon Ramsay. He’ll turn you into one of his famous sandwiches.

GORDON RAMSEY AUDIO – What are you? An idiot sandwich? Idiot sandwich.What an idiot sandwich. Chef Ramsay?

SIMBA – Yeah, Pumbaa?  The name of this episode is A Day Without Pumbaa. What are you doing here?
PUMBAA – I just wanted to drop by and tell you you could all kiss my warthog ass for not inviting me for lunch.  That’s all. Goodbye.
SIMBA – Oh. Well, thank you, Pumbaa, for stopping by for a day without Pumbaa. Have a good day.

FUZZY – I wonder if that’s even listed on the menu at Hell’s Kitchen – an idiot sandwich. Sounds like a bunch of baloney to me, but you never know.

14 Actors Who Hated Their Own Movies

• Arnold Schwarzenegger — ‘Red Sonja’

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  Of the 1985 fantasy film, Schwarzenegger called it "the worst film I have ever made." He once said the film is so bad, he used it to punish his kids. "When my kids get out of line, they’re sent to their rooms and forced to watch 'Red Sonja' 10 times. I never had too much trouble with them."

• Ryan Reynolds — ‘Green Lantern’

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  2011's 'Green Lantern' was so bad, Reynolds couldn't bring himself to watch the movie all the way through. Even his Deadpool character made fun of it in the first 'Deadpool' movie, saying, "Please don’t make the super-suit green…or animated."

• Michelle Pfeiffer — ‘Grease 2’

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  In a 2007 interview with 'Hollywood,' Pfeiffer said that she hated the 1982 sequel "with a vengeance." She said she was young at the time and "could not believe how bad it was." The actress rose to prominence the following year after starring in 1983’s 'Scarface.'
• Jessica Alba — ‘Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer’

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  Playing the Invisible Woman in the 2007 superhero sequel, Alba previously told 'Elle,' "I hated it. I really hated [it]." She recalls a scene she was dying in and the director Tim Story told her, "'It looks too real. It looks too painful. Can you be prettier when you cry? Cry pretty, Jessica.'" At the time, the experience made her question not only her worth as an actor, but also her worth as a human being and said, "F--- it. I don't care about this business anymore."

• Channing Tatum — ‘GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra’

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  Of the 2009 action/adventure movie based on the toy line, Tatum said, “I’ll be honest, I f---ing hate that movie." Not only was he pushed into doing it, he also said the script wasn't any good. On top of that, Tatum said didn’t want to do something that was bad, as he was a fan of GI Joe animated series from the '80s and "watched every morning growing up."

• Brad Pitt — ‘The Devil’s Own’

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  Pitt called the 1997 thriller, in which he starred alongside Harrison Ford, a “disaster” and “the most irresponsible bit of filmmaking, if you can even call it that, that I’ve ever seen." There was even drama between Ford and Pitt, with the two butting heads about agreeing on a director and Ford's desire to have his character have a more complex storyline like Brad's.
• Halle Berry — ‘Catwoman’

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  When the actress accepted her Razzie for Worst Actress in 2005, she told the audience, "Thank you so much. I never in my life thought I would be up here." She then hilariously thanked her manager, saying, "He loves me so much that he convinces me to do projects even when he knows that it is s---." Berry took the criticism in stride, later telling 'Vanity Fair' in 2021, "I always learned that if you can't be a good loser, then you don't deserve to be a good winner. So I went there and made fun of myself. I had a great time and then I set that thing on fire."

• Charlize Theron — ‘Reindeer Games’

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  In this 2000 crime-thriller starring alongside Ben Affleck, the actress told 'Esquire' in 2007 it was "a bad, bad, bad movie. But even though the movie might suck, I got to work with John Frankenheimer. I wasn’t lying to myself – that’s why I did it.” Director Frankenheimer was known for his classic 1960s films like 'Birdman of Alcatraz' and 'The Manchurian Candidate.'

• Ryan Reynolds — ‘Green Lantern’

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  2011's 'Green Lantern' was so bad, Reynolds couldn't bring himself to watch the movie all the way through. Even his Deadpool character made fun of it in the first 'Deadpool' movie, saying, "Please don’t make the super-suit green…or animated."
• Robert Pattinson — ‘Twilight’

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  Though I was absolutely a "Twi-hard" when the movie came out and read the entire series, it was well-known that Pattinson hated playing the role of Edward Cullen. Interview footage of the actor circulated social media before the final 'Twilight' film hit theaters. He said, "It’s weird kind of representing something you don’t particularly like." A few weeks later, he said he would have “mindlessly hated” the series if he wasn't starring in it. He also joked that he "stopped mentally progressing around the time when I started doing those movies."

• Sylvester Stallone — ‘Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot’

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  In 2006, Sly called the 1992 action-comedy, "Maybe one of the worst films in the entire solar system, including alien productions we’ve never seen… a flatworm could write a better script than 'Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot.'" Stallone signed onto the project after he heard that his infamous action rival, Arnold Schwarzenegger, was interested in the part. However, in 2017, Schwarzenegger revealed he pretended to be interested in the movie to lure Stallone towards the “really bad” script.

• Alec Baldwin — ‘ Rock of Ages’

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  The actor said of the jukebox musical comedy: "It was a complete disaster." Baldwin told 'The Wrap' of the remorse he felt early on: "A week in you go, 'Oh God, what have I done?'" He even Baldwin to have his role replaced shortly before the beginning of production. The film's ensemble cast of Julianne Hough, Paul Giamatti, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Malin Åkerman, Mary J. Blige, Bryan Cranston, Russell Brand, and Tom Cruise still couldn't save the negative critic reviews.
• Ben Affleck — ‘Daredevil’

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  Before he landed the role of Batman, Affleck played the role of Daredevil in the 2003 Marvel movie. The actor told 'Entertainment Weekly' in 2007, "'Daredevil' didn’t work at all. If I wanted to go viral, I would be less polite."

• George Clooney — ‘Batman & Robin’

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  There have been many actors who took on the role of Batman over the years, but only one had a batsuit with nipples -- and that was Clooney's in the 1992 Joel Schumacher-directed film. The actor thought he "destroyed the franchise until somebody else brought it back years later and changed it," adding that at the time he thought it was going to be a very good career move. "It wasn’t."

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Author Jim Monaghan

Category:

• WDHA Morning Jolt

Tags:

Fuzzy's Fractured Fairy Tales,Michael Fuzzy Lee