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WDHA Morning Jolt

WDHA Morning Jolt

WDHA Morning Jolt

Fuzzy Concludes His Fractured Spin On Star Wars

Author Jim Monaghan

This week on Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales, we get the conclusion to last week’s episode of Star Wars “The Phantom Menace – Short Negotiations.”

ANNOUNCER – It’s time to listen to one of our favorite magical stories. Well, sort of. It’s Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales on the WDHA Morning Jolt.

Previously on Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales

OBI – Master Qui-Gon, I’m supposed to be on the planet Libido, where the ladies have hooters the size of Jabba the Hutt’s head.
QUI – Yeah, sorry about that, Obi-Wan. We got trade negotiations to do.
VICEROY – Hand over that great Jedi scum. Attack.

And now, the conclusion of “The Phantom Menace – Short Negotiations”

FUZZY – As the Viceroy ordered the droids to attack, the two Jedi’s grabbed their lightsabers and prepared for battle. But one of the sabers may be malfunctioning.

OBI – Ah, Master Qui Gon, I think there’s something wrong with my saber. It curves at the end like a candy cane. I think it’s limp.
QUI-That sounds like a medical condition, Obi-Wan. You may want to get that checked out before going to planet Libido. Damn thing is bent like a crazy straw.

OBI – A crazy straw. I’m craving a peppermint smoothie right now, and I don’t know why.

FUZZY – As the battle ensued, phaser fire was deflected and droids were sliced in half. In the last desperate attempt, the Viceroy deployed a thermal detonator at the two Jedis, but was knocked away, destroying the crate and exposing the contents – R2-D2 and other various items as he landed on top of the Viceroy.

VICEROY – Damn bucket of bolts. I’ll get you for this.

OBI – Qui-Gon, look. There’s a bunch of Yoda poop bags in this crate. These should come in handy.
QUI – Finally. Those things are hard to find due to interstellar supply chain issues. That green little turd is like a rabbit leaving poop balls all over the place.

VICEROY – How about we make a deal, Jedi scum? Keep your Yoda poop bags, and I’ll take this walking trash can and turn them into a horn for my pod racer.
OBI – Now, that sounds like a good deal to me. Sorry, R2, but look at it this way. You’ll be making other annoying sounds other than your usual beeps and squeaks. Now, that is one annoying sound.

QUI – This is great. I love short negotiations. Now I can enjoy a peppermint smoothie with giant hooters on planet libido. It’s vacation time.

FUZZY – I think Obi-Wan Kenobi is right. Hooters and smoothies do go well together. I’ll see you guys next week.

MORE FUZZY’S FRACTURED FAIRY TALES

Netflix New Releases for January 2024

Streaming giant Netflix has a lot of highly-anticipated movies to offer their subscribers. From comedies to grisly dramas, the streamer’s January releases feature some of our favorite actors and producers. With the writers and actors strikes over, streamers and production companies are releasing projects that have been held off due to production being shut down in the latter half of 2023.

New Film and Television Series in 2024

For Netflix, one of the streamer’s highest-profile new series, 3 Body Problem, was bumped out of 2023 and into 2024. This is the first post-Game of Thrones show from creators David Benioff and Dan Weiss, arriving in the Spring. The sci-fi drama has been in the works since 2020, starring Eiza González, Benedict Wong, and Game of Thrones alums John Bradley, Liam Cunningham, and Jonathan Pryce. Additionally, the live-action Avatar: The Last Airbender series is just as highly anticipated for fans of the beloved original Nickelodeon animated series. It will be coming to the streamer in late February.

Sofia Vergara stars as real-life Colombian cartel boss Griselda Blanco in a miniseries, looking completely unrecognizable. In it, she creates one of the most profitable cartels in history. With six episodes that are each an hour long, Griselda creator Eric Newman said Vergara was perfect for the role “not only because she, like Griselda, is a single mother who came to America from Colombia with nothing and built an empire, but because it was unexpected of her to do. Sofia has been thought of one way, a beautiful and brilliant comedic actress, and she is so much more than that.”

For the movie fanatics, Netflix has a few standout films kicking off January alone. Another standout project is Society of the Snow, the harrowing story of the Uruguayan rugby team that crash-landed in the Andes mountains in 1972. Kevin Hart offers a new comedy in a heist film, and Dan Levy directs and stars in a dramedy titled Good Grief. Coming in March, Millie Bobby Brown stars in a fantasy action movie called Damsel. Later in the month, Lindsay Lohan stars in her second rom-com, Irish Wish. April brings Zack Snyder’s sequel, Rebel Moon Part 2: The Scargiver.

Take a look below at the new additions that will be released in January 2024 on Netflix:

  • 'Society of the Snow'

    Spanish director J.A. Bayona’s thriller Society of the Snow debuts on Thursday, January 4. The film is the latest cinematic retelling of the miraculous story of the Uruguayan rugby team that crash-landed on a glacier in the heart of the Andes in 1972. The survivors join forces and become each other’s best hope as they navigate their way back home, resorting to extreme measures to stay alive.

  • 'Good Grief'

    The following day on Friday, January 5, Netflix debuts dramedy Good Grief, written, directed, and starring Schitt’s Creek‘s Dan Levy. In it, he plays a London-based artist who spends a year mourning his husband before making a startling discovery about their relationship on a trip to Paris with his best friends.

  • 'Lift'

    One week later on Friday, January, Kevin Hart stars in a plane heist comedy film called Lift. The story centers on Cyrus Whitaker (Hart), the leader of an international heist team who gets enlisted to steal $500 millions worth of gold from a mid-air passenger plane before the fortune ends up in the wrong hands. The ensemble cast includes Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Vincent D’Onofrio, Úrsula Corberó, Billy Magnussen, Jacob Batalon, Jean Reno and Sam Worthington.

  • 'Griselda'

    Sofia Vergara will shock all her Modern Family fans as she dramatically shifts away from comedy with this miniseries. Debuting on the streamer on January 25, Vergara plays the ruthless Colombian “Godmother,” Griselda Blanco, who created one of the most profitable cartels in history. The six one-hour episodes come from the creators and executive producers of Narcos and has been described as a “cousin” to those two shows.

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Author Jim Monaghan
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