Fuzzy Recruits Mr. T To Help Him Fracture the Tortoise and the Hare
We’ve come a long way since the first time Michael Fuzzy Lee took on the story of The Tortoise and the Hare. In this soon-to-be-classic reboot, he recruits Mr. T to assist him.
ANNOUNCER – It’s time to listen to one of our favorite magical stories. Well, sort of. It’s Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales on the WDHA Morning Jolt.
FUZZY – And good morning, everyone. It’s time for another classic reboot. It’s The Tortoise and the Hare – Just Making You Aware.
Deep in the forest on the summer flare, there were two animals – a tortoise and a hare. While one was fast and busy, the other moved slow and tizzy.
HARE – Hey, tortoise, how slow can you go? By the time you get there, you’ll never know.
TORTOISE – Oh, shut your trap, you piece of crap. For a hare, I don’t care. But I could get there quicker if you dare.
HARE – Seriously? A contest with a bi#*h? Surely I’ll leave you in the ditch.
“Surely you can’t be serious.” “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley.”
FUZZY – As they prepare to race by the river, the other animals don’t give two quivers. How would a tortoise beat a hare? Personally, I really don’t care.
HARE – Alright, tortoise, are you ready to lose? Or would you rather sit back with a cup of booze?
TORTOISE – As Mr. T would say, I pity the fool if you think you’re cool. Listen, ya punk, there’s no need to be in a funk. Just get to the starting line so they can kick your behind.
“I pity you, fool. It’s time to run like a real man.”
HARE – That’s fine by me, ya ho’. On your mark, get set, go.
FUZZY – As the hare ran ahead, the tortoise had a plan. It came from his shell like fire from hell.
TORTOISE – My shell comes handy, hiding wine and randy. Activate the flamethrower. Let’s cremate this sucker. Fine and dandy.
FUZZY – That’s one way to put a race to an end. Clearly they weren’t the best of friends. And if you find that cruel, “I pity the fool.”
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