Fuzzy Recruits Mr. T To Help Him Fracture the Tortoise and the Hare
We’ve come a long way since the first time Michael Fuzzy Lee took on the story of The Tortoise and the Hare. In this soon-to-be-classic reboot, he recruits Mr. T…
We've come a long way since the first time Michael Fuzzy Lee took on the story of The Tortoise and the Hare. In this soon-to-be-classic reboot, he recruits Mr. T to assist him.
ANNOUNCER - It's time to listen to one of our favorite magical stories. Well, sort of. It's Fuzzy's Fractured Fairy Tales on the WDHA Morning Jolt.
FUZZY - And good morning, everyone. It's time for another classic reboot. It's The Tortoise and the Hare - Just Making You Aware.
Deep in the forest on the summer flare, there were two animals - a tortoise and a hare. While one was fast and busy, the other moved slow and tizzy.
HARE - Hey, tortoise, how slow can you go? By the time you get there, you'll never know.
TORTOISE - Oh, shut your trap, you piece of crap. For a hare, I don't care. But I could get there quicker if you dare.
HARE - Seriously? A contest with a bi#*h? Surely I'll leave you in the ditch.
"Surely you can't be serious." "I am serious. And don't call me Shirley."
FUZZY - As they prepare to race by the river, the other animals don't give two quivers. How would a tortoise beat a hare? Personally, I really don't care.
HARE - Alright, tortoise, are you ready to lose? Or would you rather sit back with a cup of booze?
TORTOISE - As Mr. T would say, I pity the fool if you think you're cool. Listen, ya punk, there's no need to be in a funk. Just get to the starting line so they can kick your behind.
"I pity you, fool. It's time to run like a real man."
HARE - That's fine by me, ya ho'. On your mark, get set, go.
FUZZY - As the hare ran ahead, the tortoise had a plan. It came from his shell like fire from hell.
TORTOISE - My shell comes handy, hiding wine and randy. Activate the flamethrower. Let's cremate this sucker. Fine and dandy.
FUZZY - That's one way to put a race to an end. Clearly they weren't the best of friends. And if you find that cruel, "I pity the fool."
Bill Murray: 7 Moments that Prove He’s More than an Actor, He’s a Folk Hero
Bill Murray's contributions to TV and film are countless, but in the past decade and a half, he’s somehow captured the zeitgeist of “going viral” and has become more myth than man.
Whether funny, absurd or just sweet, here are seven of the Bill Murray-est moments of all time in honor of his birthday today (September 21.)
Pretty Much Anything Involving the Chicago Cubs Winning the World Series in 2016
There were so many incredible moments from the Cubs’ historic win, but who couldn’t be happy because Bill was happy?
His Cameo In ‘Zombieland’
Truthfully, this might be one of the best film cameos of the new Millenium.
Honoring Harold Ramis at the Oscars
Murray was presenting the Oscar for Best Cinematography with Amy Adams when he paid tribute to his late friend and collaborator. (We’re not crying…you’re crying!)
Attending the ‘Groundhog Day’ Musical…twice…in a row!
In 2017, Murray carved out the time to see the critically acclaimed stage musical adaptation of Groundhog Day. Not only did he meet with the entire cast, but he came back the next day to watch the show again.
Anytime he sings or does karaoke
Ever find yourself feeling low? Watch Bill Murray perform “Gloria,” and then all of a sudden, you have a new lease on life.
Crashing random events
Bachelor parties, engagement photos, a White House press briefing. Only Bill Murray could get away with this!
The fact there's now a documentary about him crashing random events
Check out the trailer below for The Bill Murray Stories, which gathers all of the dirt on Bill's recent random moments that always make headlines.
Stripes & 26 Other Movies That Turn 40 in 2021
