Weird News – The Big Lebowski Meets Kermit the Frog
A sign of the apocalypse? To the best of our knowledge, this is the first time we’ve ever had a combination of Fuzzy, The Big Lebowski, and Kermit the Frog all in one place.
WEIRD NEWS 1-11-24
ANNOUNCER – Time now for WDHA’s Weird News with Michael Fuzzy Lee.
FUZZY – Today in Weird News, an Ohio woman ordered $282 worth of groceries from Kroger, but was charged $2,783 for it.
So she called customer service to cancel the order. I did obtain a clip of the phone conversation that took place, so let’s roll it.
AUDIO – “Listen, you have to cancel that order. This must be a mistake.” “A mistake? I beg to differ. You seem like quite the interesting lady. Your instacart includes castor oil, vinyl gloves, condoms, a video camera, a bag of candy, thumb tacks, and a bowling ball. That’s not cheap stuff. But I tell you what. If you go out with me on the date, this transaction will be canceled just as quickly as the tv show ‘Who’s Your Daddy?’ from 2005.”
“You got to be kidding me. If you don’t cancel that order, I’ll drop a bowling ball on your foot and make you scream for your life.”
“Wow, you really know how to turn me on, miss, are you a psychic?”
FUZZY – A bowling ball. Maybe I’ll watch The Big Lebowski.
AUDIO – Nobody f***s with the Jesus.
FUZZY – Also in weird news, police in New Hampshire say Thebes broke into a car mall and managed to steal four vehicles right out of the showroom. The thieves broke into the office and stole nine keys. The first car they stole was to drive through the front door, and then they drove away in the other three cars.
AUDIO – Yeah. Lots of space in this mall. I hope you enjoyed your car theft experience. Please come again. New inventory comes daily. New Oldsmobiles are in early this year.
FUZZY – That’s good. I was looking forward to stealing one of those.
And lastly, in Weird News, a Michigan woman went home with a package of earthbound farms organic spinach, and her daughter opened it and screamed when she saw the hopping hitchhiker inside. She was relieved that the frog didn’t become a meal and said, quote, just thank God I didn’t eat the frog. End quote.
And in this studio with me right now is a mystery guest with insider information on how this frog ended up in a spinach bag. So, sir, why conceal your identity? This shouldn’t be too hard to figure out. FROG – You will understand if I don’t come out from the shadows. My identity will be safest if you never see my face.
FUZZY – Okay, but you sound an awful like Kermit the Frog.
FROG – Somebody talked! No one is safe. I’m getting out of here. Yay.
FUZZY – Alrighty. I guess that’s it for that. And it’s now time for a spinach salad. And that’s DHA’s Weird News.