Weird News – Shakespeare Didn’t Have This In Mind For Romeo and Juliet
We’re pretty sure that the sounds the one and (thankfully) only Executive Producer Michael Fuzzy Lee was hearing in his head were that of Shakespeare spinning in his grave.
Today in Weird News, deputies in the state of Georgia stopped a driver of a Ferrari who was clocked at 178 miles per hour. The Sheriff’s Department said in a statement, “There are no justifiable reasons for going that fast. You are putting others at risk if something goes wrong.”
That’s pretty damn fast, but what I want to know is who caught this guy? There is no way cop cars could go faster than 178 miles per hour.
Unless, of course, it was KITT from Knight Rider.
I do have a collectible Knight Rider wrist watch…I wonder if this still works.
FUZZY – KITT, you there?
KITT – I’m ready, Michael.
FUZZY – Hey, was that you that pulled over the driver at 178 miles per hour? That is fast.
KITT – And what’s wrong with fast cars, may I ask?
FUZZY – Nothing. Nothing.
FUZZY – But thanks for capturing that creep. Good job executing Super Pursuit mode.
KITT – Thank you, Michael. But it has been a draining day. My power packs could use a rest.
FUZZY – I bet it has. Check yourself in with Bonnie. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind giving you a tune up, if you know what I mean.
KITT – Bonnie, with those hands, you should have been a surgeon.
FUZZY – Ah, you see? You know what I’m talking about. And just do me a favor. When you’re finished with Bonnie, send her over here. I could use a tune up myself.
KITT – Right away, Michael.
FUZZY – Ah, that KITT. He’s such a well mannered AI.
And lastly, in weird news, a woman from Indianapolis was heading home from work when she was approached by an armed man demanding money. He was apparently smitten by her and wanted to take their new relationship to the next level, Facebook.
Later, he sent the message that he would pay back the money he stole because she was too pretty to rob. But his attempt to win over her heart failed as he was arrested for multiple crimes.
Dating in the modern age sure has changed a lot over the years. If Romeo and Juliet were to be rebooted, it would probably sound like this –
JULIET – Romeo, Romeo. Where art thou Romeo?
ROMEO – I’m right in front of you. It is I, Romeo, pointing a gun at you, Juliet. But I am now beseeched by your hot tail. If you give me all your jewels, I will take thee out for dinner and drugs. For thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.
JULIET – Oh, Romeo, let thou instant message thy Facebook that thee knights toss your ass in thy dungeon that our parting is such sweet sorrow.
ROMEO – God dang it. Tell me, Juliet, what art thou I did wrong that thee chastise me, for this brings woe to my heart.
And that’s modern Shakespearean love for DHA’s weird news.
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