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WDHA Morning Jolt

WDHA Morning Jolt

WDHA Morning Jolt

Fuzzy Fractures Peter Pan Who Reveals the Truth About Captain Hook’s Hand

Author Jim Monaghan

We all know the story of Peter Pan and his encounter with Captain Hook. But did you know the truth about how the Captain lost his hand?

The one and (thankfully) only Executive Producer Michael Fuzzy Lee gets to the bottom of the mystery in today’s episode.

Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales

ANNOUNCER – It’s time to listen to one of our favorite magical stories. Well, sort of. It’s Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales on the WDHA Morning Jolt.

FUZZY – And good morning, boys and girls. I just watched the animated classic Peter Pan from 1953. So for today, let’s catch up on our hero. It’s A Peter Pan Visit.

One night, Wendy was telling her grandson John stories of her favorite hero, Peter Pan and how he cut Captain Hook’s right hand off. As she approached the climax of the story, Peter Pan crashes through the window.

PETER PAN – Oh, dang it. I hate it when I get glass in my heiney hole. Am I late for story time again? I stopped at Mickey D’s for nuggets. Could you start over, please?
WENDY – Oh, Peter. Thanks for visiting. You seem a little thicker around the waistline. Quite different from your slender appearance from back in the 50’s. Right, John?
JOHN – He’s a fat, flying piece of s#%t!

PETER PAN – Well, I made a slight adjustment to my diet during the 90’s.  I figure flying gracefully at 150 pounds is overrated. Crash landing at 300 is more fun.

Idiot.

FUZZY – As Wendy continued with the story Peter seemed perplexed on how he cut Captain Hook’s right hand off. Apparently, accurate information may have been lost over time.

That must have been some contest

PETER PAN – Wendy, that’s not how I remember the story. Hook and I had a pie eating contest. I slipped his hand into the pie and after he took a big bite, he lost it. A day later, he pooped out a five-finger digested monstrosity. What you said is misinformation.
JOHN – Are you telling me this story is a lie?
WENDY – Calm down, John. Listen, Peter, I’m trying to make you look like a hero, not a stupid idiot like you are today. Do me a favor and crash yourself out the other window and call first before visiting,
PETER PAN – Okay, Wendy. Fair enough. I gotta head on down to Sonic anyway for a cheeseburger that price every Tuesday. Toodles.

He’s a very strange young man. He’s an idiot.

FUZZY – Interesting. So our hero is not much of a hero at all, but a fraud. It’s all exaggerated BS. But it is funny to hear him crash through a window, though.

Funny Rock Songs: 5 Tracks That Still Make Us Laugh

Rock and Roll is many things: Cool, loud, in-your-face, and, sometimes funny.

One of the best examples of this comes via The Offspring, whose fifth studio album, Americana, was released on November 17, 1998. The album was a big hit for the band. Americana sold 198,000 copies in the United States during its first week of release. It went on to sell over 10 million copies worldwide. Five million copies alone were sold in the United States.

Dexter Holland summarized the album’s overall sentiment in a 1998 interview with Billboard. At the time, he said, “I was thinking about how today’s America is distorted really. It’s not Normal Rockwell anymore; it’s Jerry Springer.”

RELATED: The Offspring: New Video Features Chimps, Strippers and...John Stamos?!

Out the gate, Americana got a lot of attention thanks to its lead single, “Pretty Fly (For A White Guy).” The single made fun of posers and was rather ahead of its time for making fun of white people for appropriating Black culture. Not only was the song hilarious, but its music video was in heavy rotation on MTV and truly complemented the track. (Side note: After a re-watch, the video still holds up all these years later. It was one of many music videos at that time directed by McG.)

This has us thinking about other funny rock songs in history. They have been sprinkled throughout the decades. Some of these funny rock songs were all about getting laughs. Meanwhile, others had a hidden meaning or served as commentary on society. Then again, some of these songs were just plain weird. (Looking at you, Frank Zappa!)

In honor of the anniversary of Americana, here are just five of our favorites. (For the sake of this list, we’ve omitted notable comedy acts, like “Weird Al” Yankovic, who are known for their humor. This list focuses on acts that weren’t exclusively known for their comedy.)

  • The Offspring - "Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)'"

    The world loves wannabes, and by “loves,” we clearly mean “loves to make fun of” wannabes. There are plenty of clever lyrics in this Offspring hit. If we had to pick a favorite, we going with, “He needs some cool tunes, not just any will suffice/But they didn’t have Ice Cube so he bought Vanilla Ice.”

  • Randy Newman - "Short People"

    Randy Newman’s “Short People” is absurd satire at its finest and most catchy. On the surface, the song is completely silly, but as with most satire, it holds a mirror up to the world. In this case, it showed just how ridiculous prejudice is in all its variations.

  • Frank Zappa - "Don't Eat The Yellow Snow"

    Frank Zappa was a delightful, one-of-a-kind weirdo who was a true original. If we’re being honest, “Don’t Eat The Yellow Snow” is just good advice.

  • Dr. Hook & the Medicine Show - "The Cover of 'Rolling Stone'"

    Dr. Hook & the Medicine Show were really, to borrow slang from the Brits, “taking the piss” out of rock stars and Rolling Stone with their classic song “The Cover of ‘Rolling Stone’.” Also, the track was penned by Shel Silverstein, which makes the song even cooler.

  • AC/DC - 'Big Balls'

    We’ve said this before, but we’ll say it again: AC/DC doesn’t do subtle, but they do do silly. (And yes, we just said “do-do.”) “Big Balls” is clearly the silliest song in the legendary band’s catalog. You truly can’t help but laugh at this one.

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Author Jim Monaghan
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