Fuzzy Fractures Peter Pan Who Reveals the Truth About Captain Hook’s Hand
We all know the story of Peter Pan and his encounter with Captain Hook. But did you know the truth about how the Captain lost his hand?
The one and (thankfully) only Executive Producer Michael Fuzzy Lee gets to the bottom of the mystery in today’s episode.
Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales
ANNOUNCER – It’s time to listen to one of our favorite magical stories. Well, sort of. It’s Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales on the WDHA Morning Jolt.
FUZZY – And good morning, boys and girls. I just watched the animated classic Peter Pan from 1953. So for today, let’s catch up on our hero. It’s A Peter Pan Visit.
One night, Wendy was telling her grandson John stories of her favorite hero, Peter Pan and how he cut Captain Hook’s right hand off. As she approached the climax of the story, Peter Pan crashes through the window.
PETER PAN – Oh, dang it. I hate it when I get glass in my heiney hole. Am I late for story time again? I stopped at Mickey D’s for nuggets. Could you start over, please?
WENDY – Oh, Peter. Thanks for visiting. You seem a little thicker around the waistline. Quite different from your slender appearance from back in the 50’s. Right, John?
JOHN – He’s a fat, flying piece of s#%t!
PETER PAN – Well, I made a slight adjustment to my diet during the 90’s. I figure flying gracefully at 150 pounds is overrated. Crash landing at 300 is more fun.
FUZZY – As Wendy continued with the story Peter seemed perplexed on how he cut Captain Hook’s right hand off. Apparently, accurate information may have been lost over time.
That must have been some contest
PETER PAN – Wendy, that’s not how I remember the story. Hook and I had a pie eating contest. I slipped his hand into the pie and after he took a big bite, he lost it. A day later, he pooped out a five-finger digested monstrosity. What you said is misinformation.
JOHN – Are you telling me this story is a lie?
WENDY – Calm down, John. Listen, Peter, I’m trying to make you look like a hero, not a stupid idiot like you are today. Do me a favor and crash yourself out the other window and call first before visiting,
PETER PAN – Okay, Wendy. Fair enough. I gotta head on down to Sonic anyway for a cheeseburger that price every Tuesday. Toodles.
He’s a very strange young man. He’s an idiot.
FUZZY – Interesting. So our hero is not much of a hero at all, but a fraud. It’s all exaggerated BS. But it is funny to hear him crash through a window, though.