What If Quasimodo Had Been Like Rudy At Notre Dame
There are many legends associated with Notre Dame including Quasimodo, Rudy, and Touchdown Jesus.
Somehow, our Lord and Savior managed to escape the Fuzzy Treatment on this week’s episode of Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales.
ANNOUNCER – It’s time to listen to one of our favorite magical stories. Erm, well, sort of.
It’s Fuzzy’s Fractured Fairy Tales on the WDHA Morning Jolt.
FUZZY – It’s another fine morning to tear up a classic story. Let’s fracture The Hunchback of Notre Dame, A Sweet Song.
Raised in Paris, France, Quasimodo worked as a bell ringer at the Notre Dame cathedral with his two gargoyle friends Hugo and Victor.
Waiting to get out of the tower, Quasimodo’s dream consisted of one thing.
QUASIMODO – I swear, if I have to ring this bell one more time, it better be because the pizza is ready instead of a turd vibrating out of my butt. Why can’t I play football for Notre Dame instead?
HUGO – Are you smoking crack again, son? Look at yourself. You’re half blind, almost deaf, mental health issues up the wazoo, and you’ve got a hunchback!
Those ain’t the qualities of an MVP. If you want to aspire to be somebody, get your G.E.D., b***h.
VICTOR – Now be nice, Hugo.
Listen, Quasimodo. You could be anything you want to be, but football is in aggressive sport. Maybe you should talk to Colonel Sanders and have your brain evaluated first.
VICTOR – Pssst, Hugo. He ain’t getting in any time soon. His Medulla Oblongata, is just nonexistent. I think he’s forgotten he’s afraid of flowers, especially the pansies.
FUZZY – As Quasimodo sat in the chair, he watched his favorite football movies, The Waterboy and Rudy.
Saddened that Hugo and Victor may be right about his deficiencies, he still has a purpose he must fulfill, as he stood up at 12 noon.
HUGO – Oh boy, would you look at that, time to get to work.
Hey Quasi, grab a hold of that rope and ring that bell, because you know what’s going to happen when the clapper strikes that mouth, right?
QUASI – Yes, I know. A turd will vibrate out of my butt. That is my purpose in life.
HUGO – Listen Quasi, you may not be the top choice for football, but when it comes to turds vibrating out of your butt, you’ll always be my MVP.
Are you ready for this?
QUASI – Well, if Rudy is ready to run on the field, I’m ready too. Let’s ring this sh&t!
HUGO – Now that is one sweet song.
FUZZY – I’ll give Quasimodo a break on this one. At least he has good taste when it comes to football movies.
I’ll see you guys later.
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