How F’d Up Do You Have To Be To Run Over Yourself

At 105.5. WDHA here on the Morning Jolt. Jim Monaghan back from a week off. My thanks to Mike Anthony and Chris Swendeman for filling in.

It's one thing to overindulge. It's a whole 'nother thing to overindulge, get behind the wheel, and somehow run over yourself.

Spent some a lot of time this past week with my father-in-law, who's a really good guy. I enjoy spending time with him. He also makes AMAZING gin and tonics, which may, in fact, be one of the reasons I enjoy spending time I'm with them.

They're amazing!

And while I don't drink a lot of hard liquor, it is my beverage of choice when I'm with him, because he makes, again, amazing gin and tonics. But I did want to make sure that I paced myself because I did not want to be a candidate for How F'd Up Were You? - like this guy, Brian Baker, who got himself arrested for drunk driving in Missouri a few days ago.

Now, the first decision that was stupid was to overindulge and then get behind the wheel. Meanwhile, there was a 34-year old woman, Ashley Baker, with him. We assume they're married, related in some way, shape or form.

She had also been drinking.

Well, Baker was stopped by cops who pulled him over. Apparently, though, when he got out of the vehicle, he did not put it in park. So it's moving.

Ashley, she hops into the driver's seat, but she wasn't able to stop the truck before it ran over Brian Baker. It's one thing to get drunk behind the wheel. It's another to do damage to yourself.

Banged up, but he did survive, apparently in good enough shape to be arrested an hour later for driving while intoxicated. The kicker is, she was also arrested for drunk driving. We don't have all the details, except it was a couple of hours after the incident. So either she drove drunk later that night, or she was already half in the bag when as the vehicle took off, because it wasn't in park, she got behind the wheel in an attempt to stop it.

Either way, they probably have matching jumpsuits now, and that's this morning's How F'd Up Were You? here on the DHA Morning Jolt.

Since Memorial Day I have been fortunate enough to attend a wedding, beachside barbeques, and neighborhood get-togethers. Though food options varied, I did notice hard seltzers were a common beverage. There were multiple brands, so I decided to rank the ones that I tried.

Bon & Viv Spiked Seltzer can be credited as the first official can to hit the shelves in 2013. Or you can go back to Zima as being a pioneer in this carbonated alcohol space. Nowadays, it seems like every brand has their own variation of spiked seltzer. With limited creativity in terms of flavor options (most people would prefer a simple pineapple flavor to a green apple, cherry, celery mashup any time), now certain beverage companies are swapping out the vodka mix for tequila. Furthermore, funny commercials and vibrant cans allow different marketing angles on seemingly similar drinks.

Speaking of marketing, a thinner can is often associated with containing a lower-calorie drink. A CNN  op-ed speculates that most hard seltzers are displayed in these taller, skinny cans to distinguish themselves in a crowded liquor store.

In creating this ranking of the best hard seltzers, there were certain criteria that I considered to be most important. Taste is a broad category. It was imperative here that the drink was smooth, did not contain a syrupy aftertaste and actually tasked like the flavor it suggests. Then, I looked at the overall "nutrition" facts. Finally, I'd ask myself a question: "Would I drink another one, or would I buy a case of this repeatedly?"

It's important to note that I disqualified top beer brands. While I applaud their efforts for the attempt at entering the hip space, I have yet to find one where their best product was not actually their beer. Lastly, I am not a big fruit juice person. Nor do I typically like citrus mixed with alcohol. In this case, however, there are four hard seltzers where I find the fruit flavor enjoyable. My top choice here is now a brand that I do keep stocked in my cooler.

What I liked most about Truly is that they are accessible. Many festivals, concerts and sporting events carry Truly. So there is consistency. They seem to stay in their lane and always deliver on their flavors the distribute at mass-events, as opposed to trying to reinvent their options. There are 100 calories in a Truly and it's 5% alcohol by volume. Selected flavor: Wild Berry.

This is my favorite can of the bunch, but looks aren't everything. Wild Basin certainly knows who they are visually, as their logo perfectly encapsulates the outdoor and chill vibe of hard seltzer. What holds them back is that they are not always easy to find in New England. Various liquor stores carry them, but not a ton of restaurants do. There are 100 calories in a Truly and it's 5% alcohol by volume. Selected flavor: Lime Coconut (there's good reason why this is part of their "paradise" mix pack.

This is my hard seltzer OG. Fun fact: when I google "White Claw" a sponsored Truly option is the first result to pop up. I love a little friendly seltzer competition. In full disclosure, I am a surfer and White Claw has done a tremendous job inserting their brand into that community. Their tagline of "those who bring the wave," has worked well. They say they are "inspired by the power, purity and potential of ocean waves," and so am I. This is a simple explanation that centers around the fact that when I drink a White Claw I always enjoy it. There are 100 calories in a Truly and it's 5% alcohol by volume. Selected flavor: Black Cherry.

There's no complicated answer here. It has the best taste, is refreshing, and the brand I select when given the option. I like how you feel like carbonation base as opposed to fruit flavor completely taking over. That's when I get suspicious of artificial additives. High Noon seems to have mastered the recipe of a natural fruit juice percentage to alcohol. Their new tequila seltzers are consistently enjoyable as well. There's a slight dip in alcohol volume at 4.5%, but it too has 100 calories. Selected flavor: Watermelon.