Weird News – We Don’t Want To Know What Fuzzy Did With That Slingshot
It has come to our attention that some of Fuzzy’s adlibs during these Weird News segments may be his subconscious telling us certain things about his past – like what he may or may not have done with that slingshot.
Weird News 12-7-23
ANNOUNCER – Time now for WDHA’s Weird News with Michael Fuzzy Lee.
FUZZY – Today, in Weird News, a New York couple is crying foul on a Korean restaurant. A woman and her husband ordered food from the menu, but they were disgusted to find a dead black rat floating in their Korean beef soup.
Hmm. I don’t know much about Korean dishes, but maybe that’s the special ingredient. A rat in the soup could increase the overall presentation of the dish, add a nice fragrance and also a little bit of crunchiness, too.
And if you have it with crackers, it becomes a meal. Just pray that you don’t get sick and die.
AUDIO – Very good. Very good. You know something? No soup for you!
FUZZY – Oh, whatever. I didn’t want your crappy ratatouille soup anyway.
Also, in Weird News, a Massachusetts woman opened a FedEx package and found stacks of scratch-off games with a receipt stating its value at $20,000. She wanted to do the right thing and contacted the Massachusetts State Lottery to return the tickets. I do have a clip of the recorded phone conversation, so let’s roll it.
AUDIO – “Hello. I received lottery tickets by mistake. I would like to return these to you.” “You want to do what? What are you, a stupid? Why would you do that for her?” “Well, I’m not a business. I have no use for these.” “You have no use for these? Are you serious? Am I in Bizarro World? Are my ears deceiving me? Listen, you better put that to good use. It’s simple. All you gotta do is follow these three steps. Step number one – you pick up a quarter with your bony fingers like Skeletor would, okay? Not the arthritis cream, not that blue we move crap, all right? You pick up a quarter. Step number two – use your retirement time wisely by scraping those tickets till you see the word ‘jackpot’ written on it, okay? And then step number three – when you see the word ‘jackpot’ on the ticket, you jump up and down and pray that you don’t bust a hip, because you’re a winner.” “Okay, if you say so.”
FUZZY – While I think it’s nice of the guy to let her keep the tickets like that, it gives her something to do.
And lastly, in Weird News, a New Mexico man was arrested after he repeatedly called 911 to harass dispatchers. In the call, he said, “You all like to treat people like dog poop, so you’re going to get dog poop.” He then made a special delivery to the police station that consisted of dog poop wrapped in a napkin.
Well, at least he’s a man of his word.
What about that slingshot?
What he should have done was use a slingshot to deliver the poop rather than just leave it at the door. Not that I have ever done it before, but it could be fun, for what it’s worth.
AUDIO – Yeah, well, I had sex with your wife!
FUZZY – Uh okay, I have no idea where that came from, but whatever. And that’s DHA’s Weird News.