Weird News – What A Waste of A Perfectly Good Beer Bong
This morning’s Weird News has more than you could ever imagine – a waste of a perfectly good beer bong, Sir Mix-A-Lot, and more.
ANNOUNCER – Time now for WDHA’s Weird News with Michael Fuzzy Lee.
FUZZY – Today in Weird News, law enforcement from Washington State responded to a river near the Canadian border after a couple of people reported seeing human remains floating in the cave.
Officers entered the cave to investigate and seconds later, they surfaced with the human remains which ended up being a plastic skull beer bong.
A prankster stuffed into a long rubber tube to make it look like a human spine. Talk about a waste of a perfectly good beer bong. Don’t they know how many colleges will love to get their hands on that?
The University of Alabama, Florida State, California – Santa Barbara. It’s Party School Central out there. To toss it into the river is like tossing your education away.
If you want to pull off a real prank just dig up granny from a gravesite, grind her remains to a fine powder and put a teaspoon of it in someone’s chamomile tea.
AUDIO – You’re right, Scoob. We’re dealing with one siick son of a bi**h.
FUZZY – Well, I thought it was kind of funny.
The doctor will see you now
And lastly, in Weird News a woman in Taiwan kept hearing a strange clicking and rustling sound. So annoying, it kept her up at night. So she finally visited a doctor who took a close look inside her ear canal and found a spider. The doctor had to use a suction tube to pull the spider out.
And on the phone with me right now is Dr. Canal. So, sir, this must be a most unusual case you received in a while, correct?
DR. CANAL – Well, not exactly there, Mr. Fuzzy. Cases like these are the norm here in Taiwan. Just yesterday, I pulled a small ferret from a guy’s rectum. And, boy, that was a hot mess. Damn little critter must have been playing hide and seek. But after a while, you’ve kind of seen it all and you stopped asking questions. And believe you me, you’re better off not asking.
FUZZY – Yeah, I guess I could understand that. So how big was that spider when you pulled it out?
DR. CANAL – I would say it was no bigger than my right testicle. My left testicle, on the other hand, is the size of a baseball. And luckily for her, it wasn’t that size. She would have had a big problem. Am I giving you too much information? If I am, just let me know. I do have a tendency to ramble on sometimes.
FUZZY – Well, thank you, sir. And I do find your answers very intriguing. My final question is this – to extract the spider you probably had to use some high-tech equipment. I would hate to see your bill.
DR. CANAL – Actually, it’s not as high-tech as you think, Mr. Fuzzy. I just attach a hose to my Roomba vacuum that I lovingly name Sir Mix-a-Lot. You put that Roomba on high power and I swear that baby’s got back. It just sucked the crap out of that spider. I only charged her $20. I’ll treat myself to a nice steak tonight as I watch the video for that song. I like big butts and I cannot lie. You other brothers can’t deny. Oh, I’m sorry about that, but we just love that song here in Taiwan.
FUZZY – That’s quite all right, Dr. Canal. And enjoy your steak. You deserve it.
DR. CANAL – Well, thank you.
FUZZY – And that’s DHA’s Weird News.